Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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