did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize