Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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