Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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