God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
