She went from zero to smokin in five shots
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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