kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
