I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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