I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
