she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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