I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
