I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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