pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
