party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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