Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
