I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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