Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
