all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
