Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
