Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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