when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
