do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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