whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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