I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
