I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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