Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
