Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
