Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
