I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
