You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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