Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
