Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
