My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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