Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I forget how to act sober
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