drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
