I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
