Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
