I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
