he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize