i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
