Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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