I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There are leaves in my underwear?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
