I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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