Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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