omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
