Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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