Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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