I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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