and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have feelings that need drinking.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
