Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
