I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
