i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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