Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
