i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
