Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize