You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
