i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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