My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
