I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
