smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
