i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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