So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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