the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
