she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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