All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
